When I was young I.. I don’t think I understood that I was human. I did not understand that language is something created by us and that our real communication occurs in the silence, in between the words, in the dark where no light is shed. I did not understand that man had made the clock, had figured out how to measure a natural phenomenon we call time. That time was before man. I did not understand that age is just a measurement of how long that person has been with his or hers body here on earth, I thought age decided what the person was meant to think and feel and how he or she would act. I thought religion was something that as a human being you have to make a choice which one you need to follow. I thought this world was fine without me and I have no say in it. Things happen. That is it. Change happen. But not by me. It just does. Maybe by others.. but they are not like me. They are super-humans. They were born into the power of change. I was not. I thought if things didn’t go my way I was meant to get angry and frustrated. I thought there is only one perspective to life. I thought black people in Africa and India and China were less smart and had it worse than us and I hoped they would one day have it as we do. How can a child be born so blind.. and I wasn’t the only one. This is post-colonialism at it’s best. The sense that other lives are less worth. As I grew I started to learn that some people land-grabbed hundreds of years and that the world has gone through a terrible drama the last millenium, and we are living in the afterquake… there is no we and them. (Carl Jung wrote about this already in 1909 visiting America in his book “The earth has a soul” CG.J)
I thought a persons job was.. break. I need to introduce a word spelled ‘hen’ meaning both ‘her’ and ‘him’ in Swedish. Now we can contiue. I thought a persons job was hen’s destiny and that the person was hen’s job. I remember as new in this world.. a man said he worked as a postman. Wow.. I thought. He is a legendary postman living his life through the postman glow. I later found out that he hated being a postman, he was only a postman for a couple of months while figuring out what he wanted to do with his life.
I thought the world started when I was born but as we grow we see further, both onwards and backwards.
A funny memory is that I remember going to the CD player in the living room and I found a CD-cover with a skeleton on it. There were flags waving and a lot of mystique to it. It said “Iron Maiden”. It was great. Run to the hills. I ran to my brother and I said. “I HAVE FOUND A NEW BAND”. As in… I found it. No one else had known it was there before me.. like a treasure on an island far far away. He said. “yep, iron maiden, they are really old”. I learnt that if you find a treasure… someone before you has dug it down and you are not the one in the world to know where it is.
I have learnt.. when I get an epiphany I am not the only person to arrive at the new station from that thought. I just haven’t heard of it or thought in that way before. But people before me have, and people around me may already see the world from that perspective.
I thought everyone lived the same way, heard the same things, was taught the same ideas, saw the same things. I thought nature was one thing and buildings and education an other. I thought history was not part of our world but something that had happened, as a fiction or story. I wondered what it would be like if humans would live with animals.
I remember coming down to the kitchen and the TV was on. Just as the plane flew into the tall building I looked. This was my first encounter with war and I was 7 years old. Mom said “There is war in the world, people killing each other and it is terrible. We don’t understand why”.
I have now, 22 years old, decided to try and understand why people are doing crazy things that isn’t natural when you are a child. I am looking into history, into culture, into environment and basic human needs, I am looking into the human psyche listening to Alan Watts and reading Carl Jung. Understanding the spiritual part of man, where does religion come from, astrology and it’s impact, energy and how it affects us, do we have free will, is everything determined, frequencies and do you have different opportunities depending on which frequency your body and mind is in.
I thought life was. And I’m starting to realize that it still is. But as we grow, it is as if we get bored of ‘same old’ so we create drama. We create drama to feel alive. But baby baby.. we are alive every day. Just look at a flower grow from the earth and let your mind wonder.. how came all those colors from that brown soil. Listen to the birds and wonder.. how did that beautiful melody become.. I as hell wouldn’t be able to make it, but nature can. And one thing that is soo cool… I’m breathing and keeping myself alive but I haven’t been aware of building the system with the lungs and what not so I could use the air that I don’t see to be able to move around. How the hell would I build that system if I wanted to create a living doll or something…
We are alive.. you can be happy with that, from that you can learn and everything you learn is extra from where you were before. We are fine in being in the moment